Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
