Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
