sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
