grandma shit on top of the toilet
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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