I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
