I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
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We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
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I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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