Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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