It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize