i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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