So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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