mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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