do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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