Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
