Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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