im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
