She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
