also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
