My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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