Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
