she was so not down for the gang bang
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
