I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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