he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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