i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
