Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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