I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
