These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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