Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
