operation harelip BJ is a go
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
