Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
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I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
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I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So vagazzling was a success
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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