they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
