ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
