girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize