Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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