I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
