If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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