wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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