Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
