what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
