dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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