3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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