fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
