he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
