I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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