i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
