Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
