i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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