Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Someone signed my nipple.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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