About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
