we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
ttyl tear gas
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
