Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
