How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
