No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I pour the whiskey from now on
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
