about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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