we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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