is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
