I wish life had little blips of pornography
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
