Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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