White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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