Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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