walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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