Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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