I think I won the penis lottery.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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