Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I wish there were birth control emojis
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
