Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
