totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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